| I'm not exactly sure how i want to start this post, but i need to get out everything that im feel.. what im really feeling.. not just what people think im feeling!
Okay.. sometimes i feel like i complain about things that i really dont mind having around. Im not going to say that I didn't say that I didn't feel like there was a problem. Someone told me that they liked the person I was cause I cared for others, I was humble, and because I was the Stephy that just enjoyed life. Honestly, thats the person that I really am. The person thats hidden behind this wall. This wall is not letting me be the person that I once was. I can't seem to figure out if its me.. or if its how the wise say... *your an item of your environment*.. cause its true.. you are. What can I say to make things better? Nothing.. But I know what I can do. There is a solution to each problem.. and I found my solution. I know there is one thing that I want, and as my lovely, most dearest gurl saids..
Jen Jen» "i know, ur planning to spend the rest of ur life with him and that takes sacrifices. i hate how things turned out but thats life and u know ill always be here for ya"
Its the ones that show that they care, that i believe. When I dont see the effort.. how can I trust that It will be better? When the person that loves me the most is the one person that has never hurt me, the one person that has never lied to me.. who am i suspposed to believe? He has never made me doubt my trust for him. I love him, and I know I'll do anything to be with him, and if that means giving up something, a friendship with someone else, that I never really had the faith to continue. Yeah, i was curious to see if it would work.. but when we look at past experiences.. I feel i can be more safe, treated like a goddess... the one that Im supposed to be, with my husband. I love him, and its no offence to anyone else; its the ones that I care about, and the ones that say they care for me. Its the ones that show the friendship, the ones that show the dignity or the time of the day.. the ones that dont have a problem with the one i love.. its those who are the ones who will be remembered. Cause its those who really show that they care. Im not going to give up one thing.. and not have 100% faith that the other will work out. If someone really does care.. they dont say the things the way things were said to the one that you love. Honestly.. all i ever wanted was to be with you.. and giving up something thats doesn't mean as much to me as my relationship.. is something im willing to do. I'm not going to loose you, and 10 months proves to me that I'm willing to spend it all.. I was the one who always said that...
Distance is not for the weak but for the bold. Its for those who are willing to spend the a little time apart from the one they love to spend a lot of time in the future
This is where it ends.. maybe I just really have a clear mind on what I want and how to get it. I just dont want to hurt you, and you know that I wont.. I just want Steph back. The Steph im proud of being. We all change, for the better and for the worse. I miss you, and I miss Steph. |
